Your Existential Crisis Is Totally Normal : Existential Crises As Part of the Life Cycle
There’s something pretty funny about a creature whose own capacity for abstract thinking tangles and winds around itself, like a sprung trap of its own devising. Unlike other animals (as far as we can tell), humans can anticipate our future and then ask ourselves, do I like this for my life? As we grow within our social context, we are struck sometimes suddenly by these pangs of realizing that we have been blown off-course. These moments of often tumultuous clarity are the essence of an existential crisis.
It’s pretty much like this.
As a therapist specializing in existential work I’ve seen firsthand that these crises (or if you prefer gentler language, “existential encounters” or “confrontations”) are a normal part of human development. They are especially common for those individuals whose temperament favors depth, introspection, and a craving for authenticity. Their nature is not random, either. The themes they follow are closely tied to the time of life in which they emerge. Despite the anxiety that births them, these moments of deep questioning are a normal part of growing up, understanding our changing needs throughout the life cycle, and making decisions to meet them.
Biological changes frequently prime an individual for an existential crisis. For example, the rapid intensification of social and personal awareness that comes with the cognitive development of adolescence launches many young people into a period of insecurity and soul-searching. Existential crises are also catalyzed by cultural norms, such as the modern Western expectation that a young adult will choose a career that is both a livelihood and a source of personal satisfaction. Sometimes they are linked to particular identities, such as a woman’s decision whether or not she wants to bear biological children. They can be further niched by intersections of identities such as an American Black woman’s decision to bear children, knowing that they will grow up in a racist society.
Four themes in particular shape our development throughout the life cycle. These are known as “fundamental motivations” within a branch of existential therapy called existential analysis, a powerful model I’ve trained in that is based on the work of Viktor Frankl. We call them “fundamental motivations” because humans are inherently motivated to respond to and pursue them if they are to learn how to fully engage with life. We can also pose these themes as questions that we must eventually be able to answer a resounding “yes” to in order to thrive. The themes and their questions are as follows:
. Safety and security
“I am—can I be?”
Relationship(s) and liking
“I am alive—do I like to be alive?”
Personal identity
“I am a person—may I be who I am?”
Meaning
“I have a life—do I know how I should live it?”
According to existential analysis, the cultivation of the four fundamental motivations (FMs) support an existence lived with our full will and inner consent.
Each of these motivations must be addressed as we grow, and they layer on top of one another in a sequence. In childhood we need to establish a basic sense of safety and security in the world. In adolescence we must craft meaningful relationships to other people and entities. As we progress from young to middle adulthood we must solidify our personal identity; and then as we move from middle to older adulthood we must cement the sources of meaning in our lives.
Childhood : Safety (FM1)
Adolescence: Relationships (FM2)
Young to middle adulthood: Personal identity (FM3)
Middle to older adulthood: Meaning (FM4)
These fundamental motivations are interlocking and fractal in nature. Although the solid construction of one capacity provides a firm foundation for the next, every FM also contains structures of every other one. For example, to have a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives (FM3) we must also feel secure in our basic understanding of the world (FM1), that we are in a felt sense of relationship to it (FM2), and that we know what we ourselves uniquely have to give (FM3).
A familiarity with these motivations helps us orient to our own needs and those of others. Finding myself firmly in middle adulthood, with parenting, career, and a dozen other things competing for my energy, I feel very much strung between the themes of FM3 (personal identity) and FM4 (meaning-making.) However, though these themes predominate at different times of life, existential analysis emphasizes that we are never exempt or “done” with any of these motivations. A 75-year old might suffer a change in ability that drastically impacts their sense of safety and security in the world. An 11-year-old might ponder the meaning of life.
An existential crisis forces us to address these needs, and their successful integration is the essence of aging gracefully. Like a band of hikers in the woods, we cannot be squinting at our map with every step we take. It is only at the crossroads that we reconcile our location with where we want to be and, when we find a discrepancy, reroute back to our initial path – or sometimes adjust our plans altogether. Understanding the themes and encounters we can expect helps us to orient ourselves, keep moving, and hopefully enjoy some of the scenery along the way.