How To Be a Therapy Client (or, How to not waste your time and money)

I’ve had issues with authority throughout my life. I’m calm and quiet enough to be successful in spite of this tendency, but it’s there. I sat with my arms folded staring sullenly through a lot of college until one day I noticed that I had a lot more fun if I put away my disdain and mentally took the ride  with an open mind. And let me tell you from experience, it’s perfectly possible to do the same through a few months of therapy while mentally muttering the whole time “You don’t know me. You don’t understand me. And you can’t help me.”

But the thing is, you’re spending money and time on therapy because theoretically you want help. First of all, finding a therapist whose approach and personality you can work with is crucial (see my most recent blog post all about this subject.) Second, if you recognized yourself at all in the first paragraph, put down your defenses, if only as an experiment. You’re there for an external source of feedback and it’s worth keeping an open mind at least for a few weeks.

Take an active role in your therapy sessions. Many people model their relationship with a therapist on the one they’d have with teacher or a doctor. A better analogy would be a coach: collegial, collaborative, and defined by a blend of alliance and challenge. Your therapist does not expect you to agree with everything they say. It is perfectly appropriate to tell them when you are uncomfortable, bored, surprised, or ready to talk about something else---in fact, in-the-moment processing of your emotions during session might lead to your best insights.

Another process concern to troubleshoot is “I know I have issues, but I just don’t know what to talk about.” Start with whatever seems to have an emotional charge, even if it seems silly or trivial. Mentally note throughout the week when you notice emotions that are either intense or unexpected. If you have a difficult time identifying emotions, notice situations that feel strange or confusing---and talk to your therapist about developing a better emotional vocabulary and radar system early on.  

If you’re looking for more ways get the most out of therapy, consider integrating one of the following practices into your routine:

-Set aside a few minutes the day of your session to brainstorm and jot down a short list of things that you’d like to talk about with your therapist. In my experience 2-3 is plenty, since significant subjects have a way of expanding once voiced.

-Put your therapist on the spot. Ask them for their thoughts and observations on your session content.  Let them know if you feel bored or like you’re talking yourself in circles. If you’d like something specific like tools or guidance, say something.

-Do a little bit of research on your own and bringing it into session. This can be as simple as a (discerning) Google search about an issue that’s bothering you. Your therapist may also have suggestions for books, articles, podcasts, or workshops to help you go deeper.

Hope that helps. I would love to hear some of your tips for getting the most out of therapy too!